


Meme Dream Team [99+ notifications]

by taketotheskies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Character, Chatting & Messaging, DUMB TEENAGE DRAMA, Dick Jokes, Gen, Humor, Memes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Seijou, Texting, Trans Male Character, Underage Drinking, Vines, groupchat, oh boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 20:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9785063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taketotheskies/pseuds/taketotheskies
Summary: Kyoukenwhat is thishanger toorua team group chat <3Kyoutani Kentarou has left the group[Seijou has a group chat. It doesn't go well.]





	1. super star slut

**_> Meme Dream Team _ **

_Members:_ hanger tooru, Turnip, yahabinch, bye felicia, leggy, Angel, Kuni, Iwaizumi Hajime

 

23.23

_[Oikawa Tooru added Kyoutani Kentarou]_

_[Oikawa Tooru set Kyoutani Kentarou’s nickname as kyouken]_

**hanger tooru  
** Kyouken!!!!

 **Kyouken  
** No  
what is this

 **hanger tooru  
** a team group chat <3

_[Kyoutani Kentarou has left the group]_

**hanger tooru  
** that went well

 **Yahabinch  
** Don’t worry I’ve got it

_[Yahaba Shigeru added Kyoutani Kentarou]_

**Yahabinch  
** Do you wanna be back in the team or not, asshole

 **Kyouken  
** oh great you’re here too  
bye

 **leggy  
** ho don’t do it

_[Kyoutani Kentarou has left the group]_

**bye felicia:  
** oh my god

_Iwaizumi Hajime added Kyoutani Kentarou_

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** this is a chat for organising team meetings, discussing strategies and general team related questions  
you don’t have to stay but it would make being on the team a lot easier

 **bye felicia  
** ah yes that’s our iwa  
connecting with the youth

 **Kyouken  
** … ok

 **bye felicia  
** iT wOrkEd

_[Hanamaki Takahiro set Iwaizumi Hajime’s nickname as miracle boy]_

**leggy  
** isnt that what ushi’s middle blocker calls him

 **hanger tooru  
** ew gross

 **Turnip  
** I think it’s kinda nice

 **bye felicia  
** shut up freshman

 **Turnip  
** :(

 **miracle boy  
** anyway this has to go

_[Iwaizumi Hajime cleared his nickname]_

**Kyouken  
** wait you can do that?

_[Kyoutani Kentarou cleared his nickname]_

_[Hanamaki Takahiro set Kyoutani Kentarou’s nickname to Mad Dog]_

**bye felicia  
** it’s englsih

 **leggy  
** englsih

 **Yahabinch  
** Englsih

 **Kuni  
** englsih

 **Iwazumi Hajime  
** englsih

 **hanger tooru  
** englsih

 **Turnip  
** englsih

 **Angel  
** englsih

 **Mad Dog  
** what

 

23.36

 **Mad Dog  
** and i know it’s english im not stupid

 **Yahabinch  
** Are you sure

 **Mad Dog  
** fuck off

 **Mad Dog  
** im not talking to u

 **Yahabinch  
** *you

 **bye felicia  
** holy shit yahaba tone down the salt  
and the gramma ur giving me a headache

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** how about you go to sleep then

 **bye felicia  
** um no

 **bye felicia  
** its not even midnight who are u  
sleep is for the weak

 **hanger tooru  
** tbh

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** we have a game tomorrow??

 **hanger tooru  
** all the better reason to stay up  
someone has gotta get their stats  
we don’t have a manager like everyone else so????  
its iwa’s fault he scares them away

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** fuck off and go to bed

 **hanger tooru  
** oooh someones touchy

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** go. now.

**hanger tooru**

okay byeeeee xxxxx

 

3.55  
**hanger tooru  
** The UFOs have finally cum send this to 10 alien daddys if you get none  back  you a lonely galactic hoe get five back you a Super Star Slut get 10 back!! you a super space freak  happy fucking get that alien cock  


**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** GO TO BED I HATE YOU

 **Kindaichi Yuutarou > All Contacts  
**The UFOs have finally cum send this to 10 alien daddys if you get none  back  you a lonely galactic hoe get five back you a Super Star Slut get 10 back!! you a super space freak  happy fucking get that alien cock

 **Kunimi Akira > Kindaichi Yuutarou  
**I hate u why

 **Kageyama Tobio > Kindaichi Yuutarou  
**… um. thanks ?

 

**> Meme Dream Team**

4.15  
**Turnip  
** g UYS I HAVE MADE  MISTKES

 **Kuni  
** Suffer

 

12.40  
**bye felicia  
** okay guys I need a second opinion on this

 **bye felicia  
** what’s better, ramen or dick  
discuss

 **hanger tooru  
** i’m a vegan

 **bye felicia  
** literally no one asked, oikawa

 **leggy  
** so if ur vegan does that mean u prefer ramen or dick

 **bye felicia  
** well if its dick then he isnt a very good vegan

 **hanger tooru  
** Um, xcuse

 **hanger tooru  
** it’s fine as long as i dont swallow  
which i make a point of not doing, sO

 **Angel  
** can you guys please stop making this chat so embarrassing to open in public

 **yahabinch  
** Yeah, aren’t you all having lunch together anyway? Why do we need to have this discussion on here

 **Angel  
** not keen on learning abt oikawa’s dick sucking technique

 **leggy  
** yeah guys let’s keep this chat safe for watari

 **bye felicia  
** but its never safe for watari  
its nsfw (not safe for watari)

 **leggy  
** boi

_[Matsukawa Issei renamed the chat NSFW (Not Safe For Watari)]_

**Angel  
** im too ace for this

 **Mad Dog  
** i thought u said this was a chat for talking abt team strategies

 **bye felicia  
** oikawa sucking dick IS part of our team strategy, didnt u know

 **Mad Dog  
** he cant be very good at it then  
since he’s never been to nationals

 **leggy  
** HOOOOOLY SHIT

 **bye felicia  
** DRAGGED

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** I can’t believe I just watched oikawa get murdered  
In cold blood

 **Kuni  
** rest in fucking pieces

 **hanger tooru  
** i can’t believe you would do this to me kyouken

 **yahabinch  
** [….]

 **Angel  
** oh my god yahaba doesn’t know what side to take so he’s typing furiously  
he wants to tell kyoutani off but he’s laughing

 **yahabinch  
** Noo  
Oikawa I just wanted you to know that he shouldn’t have disrespected you like that

 **hanger tooru  
** thank u yahaba i knew u weren’t a fake friend  
like these losers over here  
Who are STILL laughing

 **leggy  
** Lmaooooooooo get rekt  
but anyway oiks ramen is better than dick get over it

 **hanger tooru  
** fuck off mattsun  
that’s it im finding better friends

 **bye felicia  
** bye felicia

 

4.20

 **leggy  
** 420 blaze it

 **bye felicia  
** ayyy lmao

 **leggy  
** ayyyyyy lmao

 **bye felicia  
** ayyyyyyyyy lmao

 **leggy  
** ayyyyyyyyyyyy lmao

 **bye felicia  
** ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lmao

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** we are at practice  
stop

 **leggy  
** Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lmao

_Cut for length_

5.05  
**hanger tooru  
** kindaichi can u pls take kunimi home safe he’s asleep on the bench

 **hanger tooru  
** I wanna stay and practice my serves and if he gets hit in the head by one of them and dies ill never forgive myself

 **Turnip  
** Dont worry!!! I’ll go get him now  
He had a very late night so he’s tired

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** why, what was he doing?

 **Turnip  
** I’m not sure, just not sleeping  
I get worried sometimes :(

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** well it’s good that you’re looking after him anyway

 **Turnip  
** Thanks!!!!!

 **bye felicia  
** anyway kindaichi isnt it time for ur daily nickname

 **Turnip  
** Oh no

_[Hanamaki Takahiro changed Kindaichi Yuutarou’s nickname to noodle]_

**hanger tooru  
** but arent we only doing vegetable names  
noodles arent vegetables

 **bye felicia  
** shut up u vegan

 **leggy  
** noodles can be anything they want to be

 **noodle  
** Okay…. I’m going home with Kunimi now, bye everyone!!

 **Angel  
** Bye!!! See you tomorrow!!

 **hanger tooru  
** byeeeee  
good practice today guys!!!

 **leggy  
** yup

 **yahabinch  
** Kyoutani actually came to two practices in a row, It’s a miracle

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Get some good sleep tonight everyone, semis are only a few days away

 **hanger tooru  
** nationals are so close i can almost taste them

 **leggy  
** do they taste like dick

 **hanger tooru  
** the next person who mentions dick is getting kicked out the chat

 **bye felicia  
** wang

 **leggy  
** weiner

 **bye felicia  
** ding dong

 **leggy  
** Lil oiks

 **hanger tooru  
** sTOP


	2. Manny is a DILF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Iwaizumi Hajime]  
> why the fuck are you all like this

9.14  
**Kuni  
** school sucks  
i want out

 **bye felicia  
** omg kunimi did u just message the chat for smth else other than dragging ppl

 **Kuni  
** nvmd this was a bad idea

 **leggy  
** just drop out. do it  
live fast die young

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** you guys are the worst upperclassmen ever

 **leggy  
** love being an enabler

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** anyway kunimi, why does school suck

 **Kuni  
** idk  
im just tired all the time  
cant concentrate and it sucks

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** what time did you get to sleep last night?

 **Kuni  
** idk like 4 ish  
i slept at practice tho

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** maybe you should talk to oikawa about insomnia  
actually no i take it back that’s a bad idea  
he makes no effort to sleep either

 **Kuni  
** ehhhhh

 **leggy  
** anyway ur 15 right  
lots of ppl have dropped out at 15

 **Kuni  
** like who  
**  
leggy  
** Obama, Bill Gates, Stephan Jobs, Barack Obama, ghengis Khan, Napoleon, Napoleon the movie one, santa, Jesus Christ, and clint eastwood

 **Kuni  
** that says obama twice

 **leggy  
** no obama and barack obama are two different people

 **bye felicia  
** i went to school with jesus can confirm he dropped out at 15

 **Kuni  
** also isnt it steve jobs

 **leggy  
** nope its Stephan jobs ??  
who is “steve” jobs  
sounds fake

 **Kuni  
** u sound fake

 **leggy  
** kunimi,,,,,,u wound me,,,,,

 **Mad Dog  
** u shouldnt drop out  
education is important

 **leggy  
** what

 **bye felicia  
** wow plot twist

 **Mad Dog  
** oi

 **yahabinch  
** But Kyoutani, you can’t really talk, you’re currently sitting in class with your earphones in

 **Mad Dog  
** im not listening to music  
i do pay attention in class, asshole  
i just dont like ppl trying to talk to me

 **  
leggy  
** Im so glad we added u to the gc  
u learn smth new every day

 **bye felicia  
** yea mad dog ur such a mystery

 **Mad Dog  
** case in point

 **  
Kuni  
** do u think i should try that  
the headphones thing

 **Mad Dog  
** the teacher might get mad but ur classmates will ignore u

 **Kuni  
** cool

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** and stop messaging in class, all of u

 **bye felicia  
** Ughghhhghghghghghghh  
FINE

 

4.56  
**Angel  
** this is a callout post for oikawa  
For WEARING A BINDER DURING PRACTICE

 **hanger tooru  
** Literally f u watachi leaf me alone

 **Angel  
** I know sports bras suck bUt ITS BAD DONT DO IT

 **hanger tooru  
** try and stop me binch

 **Angel  
** @iwaizumi

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** oikawa take it off right now  
I’m heading over there

 **hanger tooru  
** nO

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Jkyxkffghfh

 **bye felicia  
** holy moly did yall see that  
oikawa just demon served into iwazumi’s fuckxing face  
thats gotta hurt

 **hanger tooru  
** no one pani c i’m taking him to the med bay

 **Angel  
** take ur binder off while ur at it

 **hanger tooru  
** frick u watachi  
but fine

 

5.00  
**hanger tooru  
** it’s a sad day,,,, we lost our dear teammate iwa

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** STOP TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD

 **hanger tooru  
** sometimes can still hear his voice

 **Yahabinch  
** That’s another point to Oikawa on the meme scoreboard

 **leggy  
** oh my god

 **hanger tooru  
** HA  
I hope you’re all ready to buy me ramen when i win

 **bye felicia  
** i can’t believe u actually think ur gonna win this thing  
Like,,, u can’t outmeme me  
Who do u think u r

 **Yahabinch  
** Actually yeah, Oikawa is actually behind all the other third years at the moment

 **hanger tooru  
** you don’t mean to say   
Iwa is out mememing me  
bUT HE”S AN OLD MAN

 **Kuni  
** rekt

 **Yahabinch  
** Kindaichi is currently coming last

 **noodle  
** :(  
This isn’t fair  
I don’t even know what a meme is

 **bye felicia  
** nobody tell him

 **noodle  
** :((

 **leggy  
** Its a biology thing

 **Angel  
** explain

 **leggy  
** Richard Dawkins defined the meme as a unit of cultural transmission, or as a unit of imitation or replication, but other definitions may vary.

 **noodle  
** I still don’t get it?

 **Mad Dog  
** I cant believe we have a meme scoreboard

 **Yahabinch  
** Oh yes, I need to add you to that  
You are dead last, you’re even behind meme-illiterate Kindaichi

 **  
Mad Dog  
** are you participating in this dumb contest

 **Yahabinch  
** Yes, but I mainly keep score

 **Mad Dog  
** I’m gonna kick ur ass

 **Yahabinch  
** Bring it  
Have fun crawling up from rock bottom

 **Kuni  
** what is happening here

 **Angel  
** no shush they’re connecting

 **Mad Dog  
** fuck off

 **Yahabinch  
** Fuck off  
Hey wait, you can’t tell Watari to fuck off, what the fuck

 **Mad Dog  
** what the fuck what

 **Angel  
** um guys  
can u stop glaring at each other from different sides of the gym

 **Yahabinch  
** I’ll stop if he stops

 **Mad Dog  
** buy my silence  
$8000 a month

 **Yahabinch  
** FUCK

 **Mad Dog  
** ur ass is gonna get beat

 **Kuni  
** stop this im too young and innocent

 **Angel  
** UM

 **  
hanger tooru  
** guys i leave for like 5 minutes  
and now i hear my team is falling apart

 **Kuni  
** it’s because Iwaizumi isnt here

 **hanger tooru  
** okAY WOW  
that’s it im coming back

 **Kuni  
** aw

 **  
hanger tooru  
** kunimi you’re on clean up tonight

 **leggy  
** ur absuing ur power as captain

 **bye felicia  
** absuing

 **leggy  
** babe no

 

7.47  
**leggy  
** i almost forgot

_Matsukawa Issei changed Kindaichi Yuutarou’s nickname to Shallot_

**Shallot  
** didn’t karasuno’s number 10 call me that once

 **leggy  
** im running out of original ideas here kid

 

10.02  
**Shallot  
** What if we talked to people like we talked to dogs

 **leggy  
** ur a good boy

 **Kuni  
** kinky

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** it’s too early for this

 **bye felicia  
** @kunimi stop leave it for the experts

 **Kuni  
** i can kinkshame if i want hanamaki ur not the boss of me

 **bye felicia  
** how is that kinkshaming u made it kinky

 **Kuni  
** didnt know there was a protocol

 **bye felicia  
** well now u know  
there is a three strike policy and then the kink police take u to kink jail

 **leggy  
** In handcuffs?

 **bye felicia  
** F off

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** actually if we are talking abt kinks i have a contribution

 **bye felicia  
** Holy Shit on a Stick never thought i would see you write that sentence

 **leggy  
** spill the beans  
what are u into

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** not me

 **Shallot  
** :(

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** oikawa

 **leggy  
** s pi l l

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** so oikawa was watching ice age with his cousin takeru right

 **Angel  
** oh boy

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** and he told me “the alpha sabre tooth tiger is thicc”

 **bye felicia  
** I cant believe oikawa is a fucking furry

 **hanger tooru  
** IWA WTF  
WHY WOULD U SHARE THAT

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** you need to face consequences for ur actions

 **hanger tooru  
** but u gotta admit  
they are beefed

 **  
Iwaizumi Hajime  
** no?????

 **hanger tooru  
** they make a point of zooming in on their hind quarters when they walk

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** stop being a furry??????

 **hanger tooru  
** diego can get it

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** THTAS IT UR LEAVING

_[Iwaizumi Hajime has removed Oikawa Tooru from the group]_

**Shallot  
** I don’t get it what’s a furry?

 **bye felicia  
** u know, like nya

 **Shallot  
** What are u talking abotut

 **bye felicia  
** Nya

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** stop

 **Yahabinch  
** You know, if you think about it, Ice Age is actually a heartwarming story about 3 gay polyamorous men who adopt a child  
Gay dads

 **leggy  
** whoa ur right  
manny is a dilf

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** oh my god dont make me remove you too

 **  
bye felicia  
** didnt know u had a daddy kink mattsun :^)

 **Kuni  
** half this goddamn chat has a daddy kink

 **bye felicia  
** where did u come from kunimi  
why do u only show up when someone needs to be dragged

 **Kuni  
** im here to name and shame

 **Shallot  
** GUYS WHATS A FURRY  
And a dilf actually whats a dilf

 **leggy  
** iwaizumi’s a dilf

 **bye felicia  
** can confirm

_[Hanamaki Takahiro changed Iwaizumi Hajime’s nickname to D.I.L.F]_

**D.I.L.F  
** leave me out of this u nasty fuckers

_[Iwaizumi Hajime cleared his nickname]_

**Iwaizui Hajime  
** If u pull that kinda stunt again ur headed for an ass kicking

 **bye felicia  
** ur too powerful

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** damn right

 **bye felicia  
** thats what i like to see in a dilf  
Authority

 **Angel  
** yall need Jesus

 **bye felicia  
** got him

_[Hanamaki Takahiro set his nickname to daddy jesus]_

_[Iwaizumi Hajime removed Hanamaki Takahiro from the group]_

_[Iwaizumi Hajime left the group]_

**  
leggy  
** bye felicia

 **  
Angel  
** matsukawa ur the only 3rd year in the group left how does it make u feel

 **leggy  
** Im so alone  
theres no one here beside me  
all on my own  
theres no one else beshind me  
bUT YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS

 **Yahabinch  
** Did you just quote shrek at us

 **leggy  
** you see if hanamaki was here he would’ve replied with “DONKEY. STOP> SINGING.”

 **Angel  
** thank god he’s not here then

 **leggy  
** Actually sorry watari ive gotta add him back we have a blood pact

 **Angel  
** u have a wHAT

_[Matsukawa Issei added Hanamaki Takahiro to the group]_

**bye felicia  
** babe,,,, i knew u would honour our pact

 **leggy  
** anything for u babe

 **Yahabinch  
** Do I want to know

 **leggy  
** :^)

 **bye felicia  
** :^)

 **leggy  
** :^^)

 **bye felicia  
** :^^^)

 **leggy  
** :^^^^)

 **bye felicia  
** :^^^^^^)

 

_[Cut for length]_

 

8.30  
**Angel  
** thATS IT IM BRINGING IWAIZUMI BACK

_[Watari Shinji added Iwaizumi Hajime]_

**Kuni  
** youre in trouble now

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** why the fuck are you all like this

  


9.00  
**Oikawa Tooru > Yahaba Shigeru  
**shige u gotta add me back to the chat i need to say something petty

 **Yahaba Shigeru > Oikawa Tooru  
**As long as you promise not to say anything furry-ish  
Kindaichi is very young and impressionable

 **Oikawa Tooru > Yahaba Shigeru  
**see i knew you’ll be a great captain

 

9.02  
**Yahaba Shigeru > Watari Shinji  
**aaaaaaAAAAAAAaaAAaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Watari Shinji > Yahaba Shigeru  
**same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Practice safe binding kids


	3. Watari Shinji for Worst Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10.20  
> Watari Shinji > Yahaba Shigeru  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

10.16  
**leggy  
** are you all thinking what im thinking

 **bye felicia  
** yup

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** no

 **hanger tooru  
** absolutely

 **Angel  
** potentially

 **Shallot  
** Maybe?

 **Mad Dog  
** i don’t care

 **Kuni  
** who knows

 **Yahabinch  
** Hopefully not

 **Angel  
** what does that mean yahaba????

 **bye felicia  
** everyone knows yahaba is a nasty fucker watari do u rly want to know what he’s thinking

 **Angel  
** that’s fair

 **Yahabinch  
** No, it’s not!!

 **leggy  
** Were you or were you not jacking it

 **Yahabinch  
** I was not!!!!!!!

 **Angel  
** his punctuation went out the window it must be true

 **Yahabinch  
** What kind of best friend are you??????  
Your nickname is misleading and false  
Like you you’re a fake friend

 **Angel  
** I can be your angle or yuor devil

 **leggy  
** wow nice one

 **Yahabinch  
** One meme scoreboard point to FAKE FRIEND WATARI

 **bye felicia  
** so  
what were u jacking it to yahababe

 **leggy  
** yeah yababoo  
it better be me

 **bye felicia  
** no me im hotter

 **leggy  
** exCUSE ME everyone knows im the hot one

 **hanger tooru  
** sorry to interrupt but its common knowledge backed up by evidence that im the hot one i mean come on

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** bitch where

 **hanger tooru  
** Volleyball monthly??????????

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** fake news

 **Angel  
** I mean its possible that it was too oikawa but i reckon it was to someone else

 **Yahabinch  
** Watari i'm never goning to speak to you again

 **hanger tooru  
** WATACCHI SPILL

 **bye felicia  
** spill! the! Tea!

 **leggy  
** Whooooooooooo

 **Yahabinch  
** Watari no!!!!

 **Mad Dog  
** can guys just lay off  
youre blowing up my phone ffs

 **bye felicia  
** arent u curious mad dog

 **Mad Dog  
** no  
fuck off

 **bye felicia  
** fine fine

 

10.20  
**Watari Shinji > Yahaba Shigeru  
**( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** Can you fuck off

 **Watari Shinji  
** he covered for u ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** No he didn’t he just doesn’t care about this chat  
He doesn’t give a fuck about any of us and what we are working towards it’s so annoying

 **Watari Shinji  
** sounds like u have a lot of pent up frustration there ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** If it wasn’t for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you

 **Watari Shinji  
** the meme scoreboard only counts for the gc bro

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** It was still satisfying  
And I’m winning out of the second years anyway

 **Watari Shinji  
** hey shig

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** Yeah?

 **Watari Shinji  
** dont you think you might be a little too aggressive towards kyoutani  
i mean i know you’re thirsting after him and everything

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** I’m NOT

 **Watari Shinji  
** but since ur gonna be future captain and all dont you think you should at least be yanno  
trying to make peace with our teammates so you can be a good leader

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** Oh my god watari don’t pull the responsibility card on me  
Please don’t

 **Watari Shinji  
** yeah okay but please think abt it

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** Ugh

 **Watari Shinji  
** Then the next step is trying to sort out if u want to bang him or not

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** I DON’T

 **Watari Shinji  
** come on shig the last time you got so worked up over someone was when you met that shiratorizawa setter and you ended up making out in a shower stall

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** …. I thought we agreed we were never going to mention Shitabu again

 **Watari Shinji  
** I have receipts buddy,,, I have receipts

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** Again, why am I friends with you

 **Watari Shinji  
** love u too boo

 

10.23  
**leggy > NSFW (Not Safe For Watari)  
**SO WHO WANTS TO KNOW WHAT I WAS ORIGINALLY THINKING BC IT WAS A GREAT IDEA

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** okay hit us

 **leggy  
** MOVIE NIGHT

 **bye felicia  
** MOVIE NIGHT MOVIE NIGHT

 **leggy  
** MOVIE NGIHT MOVIE NGIGHT MOVIE NGINGBNGG

 **hanger tooru  
** omg im in

 **Angel  
** keen!!

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** wait. What movie are we wacthing  
If it’s the bee movie again

 **leggy  
** my dear friend iwa  
we are wacthing nothing but the the greatest  
most iconic  
worst movie of all time  
gimme a drum roll

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Oh god

 **bye felicia  
** rbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrb

 **leggy  
** …………….. THE ROOM

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** NO

 **leggy  
** youre tearing me apart lisa

 **Shallot  
** What’s the room????

 **hanger tooru  
** It’s the worse film ever made in cinematic history

 **bye felicia  
** a real masterpiece  
tommy wiseau is a man of genius   
he produced, directed and starred in it and had his face up on this billboard for like years to promote it  
it was called 'the evil man'

 **leggy  
** and i have it up on rabbit rn who’s in say aye

 **bye felicia  
** aye

 **hanger tooru  
** aye

 **Angel  
** aye

 **Shallot  
** Aye?

 **Yahabinch  
** Aye

 **Kuni  
** aye i guess

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** ….. Ugh fine  
Aye

 **hanger tooru  
** YES  
And @kyouken????

 **Mad Dog  
** can i not

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** kyoutani, if I have to suffer so do we all

 **Mad Dog  
** …. aye

 **leggy  
** okay then guys and gals and nonbinary pals  
Ill send u the link let’s rock and roll

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The real reason why Yahaba is going to be the next captain is because he's ahead of all the other second years on the meme scoreboard
> 
> Next time...... The Room  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Room_(film)


	4. Bees?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindaichi Yuutarou > Kageyama Tobio  
> KUNIMI YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT A MEME IS I’M GONNA DIE  
> THEY’RE GONNA KILL ME  
> HELP

10.30  
**Rabbit > Matsukawa’s Room**

**Matsukawa  
** my wifi is too slow to do the video call sorry dudes  
chat only

**Oikawa  
** that’s fair  
ha i’m loving the extremely generic shots of san fran  
how riveting 

**Iwaizumi  
** the movie hasnt even started and ur already tearing it to shreds

**Oikawa  
** hey i gotta build up to this  
oH MY GOD THERE”S LISA

**Hanamaki  
** HEY BABE

**Matsukawa  
** HEY BABE

**Iwaizumi  
** I can’t believe this why does he speak like that

**Yahaba  
** Who is the random kid who just came in??? Their adopted son???? Their stray kid who just turns up to their apartment when he wants to see a live porno???

**Yahaba  
** DID HE JUST ASK TO JOIN IN ON THEIR VERY OBVIOUS SEXUAL INTENTIONS I HATE THIS  
WHAT IS HE LIKE 12

**Watari  
** oh my god we aren’t even 5 minutes in 

**Kunimi  
** the part where lisa and johnny start to make out when denny is still in the room is very relatable 

**Hanamaki  
** now what could u possibly mean by that

**Oikawa  
** WAIT KUNIMI AND KINDAICHI U CANT WATCH THIS THEYRE ABT TO DO THE NASTY 

**Kindaichi  
** Okay ill cover my eyes!

**Matsukawa  
** why are you so worried oikawa kunimi has probably seen a thousand sex scenes all with the most bored poker face ever witnessed

**Kunimi  
** confirmed 

**Watari  
** oh my god

**Yahaba  
** Oh my God

**Hanamaki  
** is he fucking her belly button????

**Watari  
** THATS NOT WHERE A VAGINA IS U DICKSTICK

**Iwaizumi  
** this is the most awkward thing i have ever seen 

**Oikawa  
** oh hhhh my god dd

**Oikawa  
** “I enjoyed the sex last night” NO U DIDNT U FUCKIN LIAR

**Matsukawa  
** this must be why she cheats on him with his best friend

**Watari  
** Spoilers???????

**Hanamaki  
** BUT HE’S YOUR BEST FRIEND 

**Matsukawa  
** exactly 

**Kindaichi  
** Is it safe to open my eyes now????

**Iwaizumi  
** yes i think so  
oH WAIT  
NO  
ASS ALERT

**Oikawa  
** That is a side of tommy wiseau i never wanted to see ever in my life 

**Kindaichi  
** I’ll just keep my eyes closed for the entire movie 

**Hanamaki  
** no kindaichi don’t u think u should be paying attention?  
this movie is a meme minefield  
A meme goldmine 

**Yahaba  
** That’s true  
Kindaichi, you’re still coming last on the meme scoreboard  
You really don’t want to still be last with a score of 0 by the end of the year

**Kindaichi  
** What?? Why not??

**Yahaba  
** You’ll have to do the penalty

**Kindaichi  
** What’s the penalty??????

**Hanamki  
** death  
the weak wasn’t ever meant to survive 

**Kindaichi  
** WHAT

**Matsukawa  
** guess you better keep your eyes open kunimi

 

10.45  
**Kindaichi Yuutarou > Kageyama Tobio  
** KUNIMI YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT A MEME IS I’M GONNA DIE  
THEY’RE GONNA KILL ME  
HELP

**Kageyama Tobio  
** uh. are you okay, kindaichi?  
i don’t really know what a meme is, sorry.  
are you going to be okay??

**Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** SORRY I THOUGHT I WAS TEXTING KUNIMI  
Wait you don’t know either????  
And no i’m not i just found out that coming last on the meme scoreboard is punishable by death

**Kageyama Tobio  
** what’s a meme scoreboard????????

**Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** Everyt time you slip a meme into a conversation you get a point??? But i dont know what a meme is and they wont tell m e  
Im gonna d i e

**Kageyama Tobio  
** Okay hold up 

 

**Rabbit > Matsukawa’s Room**

**Hanamaki  
** SPOON

**Matsukawa  
** SPOON 

**Oikawa  
** SPOON

**Iwaizumi  
** What the fuck 

 

10.58  
**Kageyama Tobio > Kindaichi Yuutarou  
**okay i asked the other first years  
yamaguchi says if you watch this [http://bit.ly/IqT6zt](http://bit.ly/IqT6zt) you’ll understand

**Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** I dont but okay?????  
That’s pretty catchy

**Kageyama Tobio  
** tsukishima said  [ http://bit.ly/2csM1zp ](http://bit.ly/2csM1zp) that is a meme as well.  
he said it’s when your best friend memes just right?

**Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** How are those two things at all related i dont un d e r sta n d

**Kageyama Tobio  
** i looked up memes and this came up  
[http://knowyourmeme.com/](http://knowyourmeme.com/)

**Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** Oh my god there are so many  
Which ones do you think are the best ones??

**Kageyama Tobio  
** wait let me ask the rest of my team  
uh this is what nishinoya sent

**Kageyama Tobio  
** According to all known laws   
of aviation,   
there is no way a bee   
should be able to fly.     
Its wings are too small to get   
its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway   
because bees don't care   
what humans think is impossible.   
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.   
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.   
Ooh, black and yellow!   
Let's shake it up a little.   
Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!   
Hang on a second.

 

_ [cut for length]  _

 

**Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** I love that movie!!

**Kageyama Tobio  
** i haven’t ever seen it.  
but you should send that to your chat, it made daichi yell  
and tanaka said it was a good meme

**Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** It’s very heartwarming!  
I will, thank you so much

 

23.32  
**Kindaichi Yuutarou > Meme Dream Team  
** According to all known laws   
of aviation,   
  
  
there is no way a bee   
should be able to fly.   
  
  
Its wings are too small to get   
its fat little body off the ground.   
  
  
The bee, of course, flies anyway   
  
  
because bees don't care   
what humans think is impossible.   
  
  
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.   
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.   
  
  
Ooh, black and yellow!   
Let's shake it up a little.   
  
  
Barry! Breakfast is ready!   
  
  
Ooming!   
  
  
Hang on a second.   
  
  
Hello?   
  
  
\- Barry?   
\- Adam?   
  
  
\- Oan you believe this is happening?   
\- I can't. I'll pick you up.   
  
  
Looking sharp.   
  
  
Use the stairs. Your father   
paid good money for those.   
  
  
Sorry. I'm excited.   
  
  
Here's the graduate.   
We're very proud of you, son.   
  
  
A perfect report card, all B's.   
  
  
Very proud.   
  
  
Ma! I got a thing going here.   
  
  
\- You got lint on your fuzz.   
\- Ow! That's me!   
  
  
\- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.   
\- Bye!   
  
  
Barry, I told you,   
stop flying in the house!   
  
  
\- Hey, Adam.   
\- Hey, Barry.   
  
  
\- Is that fuzz gel?   
\- A little. Special day, graduation.   
  
  
Never thought I'd make it.   
  
  
Three days grade school,   
three days high school.   
  
  
Those were awkward.   
  
  
Three days college. I'm glad I took   
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.   
  
  
You did come back different.   
  
  
\- Hi, Barry.   
\- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.   
  
  
\- Hear about Frankie?   
\- Yeah.   
  
  
\- You going to the funeral?   
\- No, I'm not going.   
  
  
Everybody knows,   
sting someone, you die.   
  
  
Don't waste it on a squirrel.   
Such a hothead.   
  
  
I guess he could have   
just gotten out of the way.   
  
  
I love this incorporating   
an amusement park into our day.   
  
  
That's why we don't need vacations.   
  
  
Boy, quite a bit of pomp...   
under the circumstances.   
  
  
\- Well, Adam, today we are men.   
\- We are!   
  
  
\- Bee-men.   
\- Amen!   
  
  
Hallelujah!   
  
  
Students, faculty, distinguished bees,   
  
  
please welcome Dean Buzzwell.   
  
  
Welcome, New Hive Oity   
graduating class of...   
  
  
...9:15.   
  
  
That concludes our ceremonies.   
  
  
And begins your career   
at Honex Industries!   
  
  
Will we pick our job today?   
  
  
I heard it's just orientation.   
  
  
Heads up! Here we go.   
  
  
Keep your hands and antennas   
inside the tram at all times.   
  
  
\- Wonder what it'll be like?   
\- A little scary.   
  
  
Welcome to Honex,   
a division of Honesco   
  
  
and a part of the Hexagon Group.   
  
  
This is it!   
  
  
Wow.   
  
  
Wow.   
  
  
We know that you, as a bee,   
have worked your whole life   
  
  
to get to the point where you   
can work for your whole life.   
  
  
Honey begins when our valiant Pollen   
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.   
  
  
Our top-secret formula   
  
  
is automatically color-corrected,   
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured   
  
  
into this soothing sweet syrup   
  
  
with its distinctive   
golden glow you know as...   
  
  
Honey!   
  
  
\- That girl was hot.   
\- She's my cousin!   
  
  
\- She is?   
\- Yes, we're all cousins.   
  
  
\- Right. You're right.   
\- At Honex, we constantly strive

 

_ [Cut for length] _

 

**bye felicia  
** holy shit kindaichi  
holy fucking shit 

**hanger tooru  
** KINDAICHI BB IM SO PROUD OF U  
YOURE ALL GROWN UP

**Yahabinch  
** That’s worth so many points on the meme scoreboard I can’t believe this

**leggy  
** congratulations kindaichi  
youre gonna live

**Spring onion  
** IM GONNA LIVE

 

23.39  
**Kindaichi Yuutarou > Kageyama Tobio  
** YOU SAVED MY LIFE  
THAKN YOU SO MUCH

**Kageyama Tobio  
** you’re welcome i think?  
happy to help  
anytime  
like at all  
it’s not big deal  
i mean i didnt want to see u die so

 

**12.17  
** **Rabbit > Matsukawa’s Room**

**Hanamaki  
** Oh ymg god its comign are you guys ready for this

**Matsukawa  
** Ive been waiting for this moment my entire li fe 

**Oikawa  
** HERE IT IS  
YOU’RE TEARING ME APART LISA 

**Hanamaki  
** YOUR TEARING ME APART LISA

**Matsukawa  
** YOURE TEARING ME APART LISA

**Watari  
** YOU’RE TEARING ME APART LISA

**Iwaizumi  
** YOU’RE TEARING ME APART LISA

**Yahaba  
** YOU’RE TEARING ME APART, LISA

**Kindaichi  
** YOU’RE TEARING ME APART LISA

**Kunimi  
** rip him to shreds lisa

**Kyoutani  
** why did i ever come back to this team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One time I went to watch The Room in cinemas and everyone yelled out all the lines and threw plastic spoons in the air every time a spoon appeared on screen... It was kind of a surreal experience.  
> [The Room plot summary](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0368226/synopsis?ref_=ttpl_pl_syn)
> 
> So Ed has written sort of companion fic to this one entered around the karasuno first years!! You'll find Kageyama's side of the meme conversation there (Ed wrote Kay's parts and I wrote Kindaichi's parts). Check it out!! [ain't nobody fresher [than my motherfucking clique]](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10426005?view_full_work=true)


	5. Feelings ???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Kyoutani Kentarou]  
> …  
> how do i know that i can trust you
> 
>  
> 
> [Watari Shinji]  
> what are you, an undercover agent

12.46 pm

**hanger tooru  
** ok so like 14y/o tooru would probably hate me for saying this but like  
I’d fuck one of the jonas brothers 

**Angel  
** same if i wasn't acespec  
which one tho

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** so many things  
you could have said 

**hanger tooru  
** the one from dnce lol

**bye felicia  
** all? even if i was Straight i would fuck all

**Kuni  
** ew

**Angel  
** guys yahaba just saw that message and dabbed bc that’s what he does when hes  uncomfortable  
Im just  
this knowledge 

**leggy  
** defense mechanism 

**Angel  
** I cant handle it

**hanger tooru  
** godbless??????

**Angel  
** he’s trying to pass it off as a sneeze lmaoooooo

**bye felicia  
** pics or it didnt happen

**Angel  
** okay someone say smth that’ll make him uncomfrtable 

**leggy  
** uncomfrtable

**Angel  
** frick off

**Shallot  
** Barnacles have the largest dick to body ratio in the world

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** what the literal shit   
how do you even know that????

**Shallot  
** It's just one of those facts!!!! That people know!!!

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** no?????

**Angel  
** that didnt work yahaba was just vaguely interested

**Shallot  
** Yeah its cool right??

**leggy  
** only to nerds

_ [Matsukawa Issei changed Kindaichi Yuutarou’s nickname to barnacle] _

**hanger tooru  
** oh come on people dont even eat barnacles at least i dont  
as a vegan

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** ok.

**bye felicia  
** okay how abt this   
@yahaba me and mattsun are dating

**Angel  
** didnt work he just rolled his eyes and said he wasnt falling for that

**leggy  
** lmao  
no homo right babe

**bye felicia  
** no homo boo :*

**Kuni  
** @yahaba everyone knows you check out kyoutani’s muscles during practice 

**Angel  
** _ [dab.png] _

**bye felicia  
** YES KUNIMI U DID IT  
what a good quality dab

**hanger tooru  
** I cant believe its actually true that yahaba dabs when he’s uncofmrotable 

**leggy  
** uncofmrotable 

**Angel  
** but hey kuni that wasnt rly that cool   
I mean like

**Mad Dog  
** what the literal shit 

**leggy  
** o hi mad dog  
dont scroll up

**Mad Dog  
** are you kidding me what the fuck

**Kuni  
** um

**Mad Dog  
** you guys are shitty you know that

**Angel  
** no wait kyoutani  its alright

**leggy  
** yeah kyouken its just some light banter  
some good bants

[ _ Kyoutani Kentarou has left the group] _

**Yahabinch  
** Oh fuck oh fuck what did you guys DO

**leggy  
** shit i didnt know he would like that  
oh well just give him some time to cool off

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Guys whats happened  
Do i need to do damage control again because i stg

**Angel  
** nah its okay iwaizumi i’ve got it

 

**Watari Shinji > Kyoutani Kentarou  
** hey man are you alright? You just kind of stormed off and the team is a bit confused and worried

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** Im fine.

**Watari Shinji  
** Suuuure  
because it really doesn’t seem like ur fine  
I’m not asking you to explain yourself i just like  
Wanted to let you know that if you need to vent or smth im listening and im a pretty good listener 

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** …  
how do i know that i can trust you

**Watari Shinji  
** what are you, an undercover agent

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** Idk i just dont want any messages screen shotted or anyone talking abt me idk

**Watari Shinji  
** nah ofc you can trust me kyou you see me at practice like twice a day  
I tutor you in maths sometimes  
You’re my friend

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** I just dont like people talking abt me  
and idk if the rest of the team sees me like that

**Watari Shinji  
** you dont think the team dont see you as their friend?

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** ofc not  
Im just a punchline for them  
Its like… they added me to that dumb gc and im so out of the loop and im just a joke  
I shouldnt have come back in the first place everyone hates me for barging my way back in anyway  
especially yahaba  
and idk people making weird jokes abt yahaba hates me just makes it worse bc it makes it weird and awkward as well as just… u know, him hating me  
sorry i know he’s like yr best friend 

**Watari Shinji  
** so this is abt yahaba?

**  
Kyoutani Kentarou  
** No  
well  
mb  
its just   
he acts like i dont put any effort into anything  
and thats not true i put a shit ton of effort into things especially volleyball  
like you know how i took a years break

**Watari Shinji  
** yeah i remember

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** yeah well  
I had a tough time being around ppl like that in first year  
so i stopped coming to practices  
but i kept up volleyball?? I did my own practice and shit???? With like adult teams??  
and now yahaba and the team just kinda hate me bc they think i just waltzed on in   
It pisses me off

**Watari Shinji  
** Whoa kyou i had no idea

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** well yeah

**Watari Shinji  
** but im gonna be frank here

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** Alright

**Watari Shinji  
** they’re not the only ones at fault  
You want to be respected? Even liked?

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** I never said that

**Watari Shinji  
** Its just, mb you should make an effort to connect with the other team members as well  
I know it must be hard  
I mean, i dont know what happened in first year but

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** wait you dont know?

**Watari Shinji  
** this is what i mean! you dont know anything abt us  
Sorry i didnt mean that in like an aggressive way  
but i wasnt in the team in first year  
I wasnt even in the boys volleyball club

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** wait you weren’t? I just thought you were in a lower string or smth

**Watari Shinji  
** nah i was in the girls team during first year

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** what?????

**Watari Shinji  
** bro,,, how do you not know im trans you see me in my binder after practice every day  
and i yell at oikawa about his like twice a day

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** idk??  
i dont pay much attention to the team outside of volleyball

**Watari Shinji  
** you pay attention to yahaba though

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** well that;s different 

**Watari Shinji  
** Is it?

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** dont push it, watari

**Watari Shinji  
** okay back to my lifestory then

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** wait hold up if oikawa is trans too how come he was on the team from day 1 and you werent

**Watari Shinji  
** well i only just realised i was trans in first year right  
I used to be in a co-ed volleyball team in middle school and i was totally comfortable, but when i got to high school and they put me in an all girls team i was like…. This is not For Me  
and i was soooo jealous of oikawa because he’s been out since middle school and he’s so good that when he asked to be in the boys team in seijou the coaches agreed right away  
so i worked out that hey, if i get good enough the boys team would let me transfer  
but the thing was i was a setter??? and there’s no way they would let me on the boys team as a setter because they already had oikawa  
but what they didnt have was a good libero  
so i spent the whole year training to be a libero  
trialed for the boys team and got in

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** fuck, watari

**Watari Shinji  
** so yeah, i get your struggles about coming in late and working hard to be here  
and the team does appreciate you, i promise  
they’re just a little weird so they have a weird way of showing it

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** they certainly do  
but... thanks

**Watari Shinji  
** anytime bro  
(also whats the deal about yahaba)

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** (you’ll find out over my dead body)  
(also, nothing)  
(fuck off)

**Watari Shinji  
** hahaha okay

 

**Meme Dream Team**

2.12

_ [Watari Shinji added Kyoutani Kentarou to the group] _

 

**Mad Dog  
** … hey

**hanger tooru  
** Hey Kyoutani, on behalf of the entire team, we’re really sorry about using you to tease Yahaba like that, it wasn’t cool of us at all

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** you can tell he’s sincere bc he’s using proper grammar 

**Kuni  
** im really sorry kyoutani

**leggy  
** yeah me too, sorry dude 

**Kyoutani Kentarou  
** s okay dont worry abt it  
can we stop this now its getting weird

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** yeah no worries

**Yahabinch  
** Aren’t you guys going to apologise to me too

**Kuni  
** nah 

**leggy  
** nah 

**Angel  
** nah 

**hanger tooru  
** you’re too fun to tease, yahababe

**leggy  
** you’re too fun in general yahaboo

**bye felicia  
** meet me in the locker rooms after practice, yahababy <33333

**Angel  
** _ [dab.png] _

**hanger tooru  
** HAHAHAHAHA

**bye felicia  
** this never gets old 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this when dabbing was still acceptable lmao


	6. Warrior Cats Discourse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mad Dog:  
> warrior cats is so much different fuck you

**9.34 pm**

**hanger tooru  
** did u guys know there’s over like 130k students signing up to be sugar babies rn

**leggy  
** i did not in fact, know this very compelling fact  
why pray tell have you informed us about this

**hanger tooru  
** It’s interesting!!! the economy is in shambles!!!!!

**Yahabinch  
** Let’s not  
Shall we

**bye felicia  
** every day  
the urge to become a sugar baby  
gets stronger

**Angel  
** oh same but probably like a lowkey sugar baby  
dabbling mainly in hand holding and cheek kissing

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** if being a prostitute wasn’t illegal i would honestly consider it like it’s good money and i can defend myself  
Don’t rly care abt having sex for money being ‘immoral’

**kuni  
** @watari i thought that said ‘dabbing’

**Angel  
** AJDBKJGG

**leggy  
** i would dab for money

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** me fucking too buddy

**Barnacle  
** Iwaizumi did you just say you would be  a prostitute???

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** there’s no shame in sex work, kindaichi

**hanger tooru  
** very true

**Angel  
** you would have to pay me a Lot tho

**hanger tooru  
** oh yes  
I am a luxury  
few can afford

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** but sometimes…. Things that are expensive…. are Worse

**hanger tooru  
** WOW RUDE

**bye felicia  
** you gotta give iwaizumi credit he can certainly pull out

**leggy  
** are you the pizzza boy bc you can Deliver 

**Yahabinch  
** Sorry Oikawa, Iwaizumi gets double points for the clapback on the scoreboard

**hanger tooru  
** FUCK ALL OF YOU

**bye felicia  
** would that make you our sugar baby then

**hanger tooru  
** forreal tho i would not want any wrinkly old dick near me  
but if he was gonna pay my upcoming college tuition 

**leggy  
** if u paid for my uni study i would 100% suck ur dick

**bye felicia  
** i’ll bear that in mind lol

**hanger tooru  
** Although men are shite… being a sugar baby to a lovely wealthy lady might be better  
@nice women who would like to pay a youthful twink with good skin for their companionship: hmu

**Yahabinch  
** I wish I could look more like a twink but I can’t commit

**hanger tooru  
** whats stopping you?

 

**Yahabinch  
** money

**bye felicia  
** valid 

**Yahabinch  
** i could become a sugar baby to pay for the twink lifestyle

**hanger tooru  
** God mood  


**bye felicia  
** Hahaha… twink lifestyle

**hanger tooru  
** ur a twink maki u can’t deny it

**Barnacle  
** I wish i could look more gay

**hanger tooru  
** You DO look gay are u kidding

**Angel  
** yeah kindaichi, ur like a baby muscle gay  
Is that a thing????  
I think it’s a thing

**kuni  
** literally anytime i see anyone who looks like u i assume they’re a huge gay

**Yahabinch  
** Yeah Kin, it’s a well known fact that you look and are very gay

**bye felicia  
** you are So Valid

**Barnacle  
** Thank you guys so much!!!!

**leggy  
** Valid! Valid! Valid!

**hanger tooru  
** valid! valid ! valid   ! !

**bye felicia  
** validvalidvalidvalidvalidavlida

**hanger tooru  
** You are so valid!!!! So very valid!! 

**bye felicia  
** V  a    l    i      D 

**Angel  
** That word has lost all meaning now

**leggy  
** watari, that’s valid

**Mad Dog  
** you’re valid

**leggy  
** no mad dog, YOU’RE valid

**Mad Dog  
** No YOU’RE valid

**leggy  
** Thank u,,,,,,, so much,,,,,,,

**Mad Dog  
** i hate u

**bye felicia  
** thats not very valid of u kyoutani 

  
  
  


**Kindaichi Yuutarou > Kunimi Akira  
** So does this mean You Know Who knows im gay??

**Kunimi Akira  
** kin, everyone and their grandma’s dog knows ur gay  
but in saying that  
this is You Know Who we’re talking about

**Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** Ajsjksskjgjsgjkgg 

  
  
  


**Meme dream team  
  
** 11.05pm

**Angel  
** hey everyone fun tip do not watch @Hanamaki’s story on snapchat unless you want nightmares (oml)

**bye felicia  
** kabdajbkdjf

**  
hanger tooru  
** i gotta now  
oh god

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** is that the sonic the hedgehog filter

**bye felicia  
** SONIC

**Yahabinch  
** Nightmare fuel

**bye felicia  
** i’m laughing so hard it’s the best fucking filter

**Yahabinch  
** What the FUCK Hanamaki

**bye felicia  
** why dont u all love me for who i really am

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** The sonic face is Horrifying, Hanamaki

**bye felicia  
** you see iwaizumi, this is why we could never work out. you couldnt accept my sonic-sona

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** your sonic-sona

**bye felicia  
** my sonic sona  
Like a fursona but its sonic

**Mad Dog  
** why the heck

**leggy  
** my sonic-sona is glittery and it can eat anything

**bye felicia  
** see, matsu gets it

**kuni  
** vore?

**leggy  
** kunimi you are a CHILD

**Angel  
** honestly end cringe culture everyone should have a sonic sona

**leggy  
** Honestly???? tru

**bye felicia  
** r e v o l t

**hanger tooru  
** I for one fully disagree

**bye felicia  
** why tho it’s harmless fun  
why dont u want us to have fun captain

**hanger tooru  
** sonic has been ruined for me for a long time

**leggy  
** wh 

**hanger tooru  
** personal feud

**leggy  
** how 

**bye felicia  
** okay how do u feel abt other sonas like  
dare i say it  
fursonas

**hanger tooru  
** nooo

**leggy  
** tooru if u dont know what animal ur fursona is ur lying to urself

**bye felicia  
** love urself captain  
make a fursona

 

**hanger tooru  
** I hate thi s

**leggy  
** mine would be a ferret noodle cat

**hanger tooru  
** a What

**bye felicia  
** mine is still sonic the hedgehog

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** mine would be a wolf

**Mad Dog  
** i was gonna say that

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** okay mine is an Alpha wolf

**Mad Dog  
** … fine

**Yahabinch  
** **@** Kyoutani Kentarou more like a coyote

**Mad Dog  
** Fuck off   
Yours would be a yappy little lap dog

**Yahabinch  
** Aww are you saying I’m cute

**Mad Dog  
** I’m saying you’re annoying 

**Angel  
** I don’t know what my fursona would be but not because i’m against the cringe just because i havent thought abt it enough

**bye felicia  
** thats valid

**Barnacle  
** I don’t have a fursona but I have a warrior cats sona!

**bye felicia  
** same thing basically

**Barnacle  
** No it’s not!!!!

**Mad Dog  
** warrior cats is so much different fuck you

**Yahabinch  
** oh my god

**Mad Dog  
** have u got smth to say asshole

**Yahabinch  
** Noooo   
I just also saw you more as a dog person

 

**Mad Dog  
** I can appreciate all animals  
and those books are good  
they’re heartfelt stories about kinship love and bravery against all odds and i would die for firestar

**Barnacle  
** Crowfeather is my favourite

**Mad Dog  
** he’s cool but i’ll never forgive him for what he did to leafpool

**Barnacle  
** yeah that made me cry  
second series was definitely my favourite

**Mad Dog  
** original all the way but i respect that

**hanger tooru  
** this is the most i’ve ever seen kyouken talk on this chat if not ever

**bye felicia  
** AndIfeelStarClaninthischillistonight.jpeg 

**Yahabinch  
** Asjkjjdgg

  
  


**Yahaba Shigeru > Watari Shinji  
** KYOUTANI IS A WARRIOR CAR FAN WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON

**Watari Shinji  
** hahaha…. warrior car fan

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** FUCK OFF SHINJI U KNOW WHAT I MEANT

**Watari Shinji  
** I think that it’s cute that he’s connecting with Kindaichi abt it they never used to get along

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** Asfbjbdajblahfah

**Watari Shinji  
** just go talk to him about warrior cats i know u want to

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** FUC K THE SHUT UP SHINJI

**Watari Shinji  
** screenshotted

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** *softly but with feeling* nooooo  
besides i hate that guy why would i want to talk to him even if he does like warrior cats

**Watari Shinji  
** this is getting real old shig

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** I’m sure I don’t know what you mean

  
  


**Meme Dream Team**

_ [Yahaba Shigeru set Kyoutani Kentarou’s nickname to Fire Alone Can Save Our Clan] _

**Yahabinch  
** Since you’re our secret weapon in the upcoming spring high and all

**Fire Alone Can Save Our Clan  
** ….. nice

 

 

**  
Yahaba Shigeru > Watari Shinji  
** AAAAAAAAA WATARI

**Watari Shinji  
** NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time... something actually happens? stay tuned


	7. Kombucha vodka hell mix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> leggy  
> waddup im matsukawa, im 19 and i never fucking learnt how to read

 

 **Meme Dream Team  
** 8.39pm

 **hanger tooru  
** so lads tomorrow is the friday before spring high and we all know what that means

 **leggy  
** Heck Yeah

 **Barnacle  
** What??? What does it mean

 **hanger tooru  
** ITS SEIJOU PARTY TIME

 **bye felicia  
** THERES NO PARTY LIKE A SEIJOU PARTY

 **leggy  
** BC SEIJOU PARTIES DONT STOP TIL OIKAWA STARTS CRYING ON IWAIZUMIS SHOULDER ABOUT HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO WIN AND THEN MAKES EVERYONE WATCH THE XFILES AND WE ALL FIND EXCUSES TO GO HOME

 **hanger tooru  
** hey um tf

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** I mean they’re not wrong

 **hanger tooru  
** YOU MEAN YOU AREN’T EVEN GONNA DEFEND ME IWA

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Lmao no what gave u that idea

 **leggy  
** top 10 worst anime betrayals

 **hanger tooru  
** BUT ANYWAY seijou party at my place tomorrow night bring your own drinks etc try not to make a mess of the carpet

 **bye felicia  
** @kunimi @kindaichi how do u feel abt being invited to ur first high school party

 **Barnacle  
** I’ve been invited to parties before?

 **kuni  
** I have but i never went to them

 **hanger tooru  
** what  
can my freshers be  
popular???

 **bye felicia  
** oooh yes this is good

 **Barnacle  
** being in the volleyball club really does make people think you’re cool!!

 **kuni  
** yeah, its actually pretty amazing

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** It doesn’t though?  
I’ve never been invited to any parties apart from seijou parties

 **bye felicia  
** oooooooh my god

 **kuni  
** yahaba thats just bc youre fundamentally uncool

 **hanger tooru  
** what are you talking about!!! yahaba **is** cool, he’s my prodigy after all

 **kuni  
** well that would explain why he has like 1 friend

 **hanger tooru  
** Kunimi, you are being particularly unpleasant today

 **leggy  
** kunimi is like an oven

 **hanger tooru  
** How

 **Leggy  
** roasts u

 **kuni  
** good one

 **Yahabinch  
** Shut up, freshman

_[Matsukawa Issei set Kunimi Akira’s nickname to fresher than u]_

**fresher than u  
** … nice

 **Yahabinch  
** And fuck you I have more than one friend

 **fresher than u  
** who

 **Yahabinch  
** Watari

 **fresher than u  
** and?

 **Yahabinch** …  
Watari?

  
**Angel  
** And kyoutani! He’s your friend too!

 **Yahabinch  
** What??? Kyoutani isnt my friend!!!!

 **Fire Alone Can Save Our Clan  
** wow fuck you too, asshole

 **Yahabinch  
** And that is exactly why

 **Fire Alone Can Save Our Clan  
** its not my fault you’re a proud, stuck up dickwad

 **Yahabinch  
** And it’s not my fault you’re a self-righteous prick who only cares about himself!

 **Fire Alone Can Save Our Clan  
** I fucking dare you say that again

 **Yahabinch  
** Of course, anytime.  
Dickcheese

 **Angel  
** yeah, this is why you guys don’t have many other friends

 **Fire Alone Can Save Our Clan  
** SAY THAT TO MY FUCKING FACE

 **Yahabinch  
** I LOOK FUCKING FORWARD TO IT

 **hanger tooru  
** are the rest of you looking forward to watching these two get drunk together tomorrow as I am

 **Angel  
** macklemore didn’t die for this

 

10.40pm  
**hanger tooru  
** HEY I JUST MET YOU

  


11.01pm  
**bye felicia  
** AND THIS IS CRAZY

 **hanger tooru  
** bitch where were u

 **leggy  
** BUT HERE’S MY NUMBER

 **hanger tooru  
** SO CALL ME MAYBE

 **bye felicia  
** anyway i would die for carly rae jepson

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** oh mood

 **Yahabinch  
** We all know this, Hanamaki  
You have both sides of emotion on vinyl

 **hanger tooru  
** you’re such a secret hipster

 **bye felicia  
** secret?????  
Bitch i have pink hair and wear floral shirts constantly

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** most people just think that’s you being gay  
common mistake

 **leggy  
** yeah, hanamaki is just a hipster, not gay or anything

 **bye felicia  
** ….. jared, we’ve been dating for-

 **Yahabinch  
** nice one, another point for the meme scoreboard

 **leggy  
** whoever is last on the meme scoreboard tomorrow has to do a funnel upon entry

 **hanger tooru  
** but not that we are encouraging underaged drinking or anything hahahahaha

 **Angel  
** captain, last year you poured your vodka and kombucha hell mix into the king cup and I had to skull the whole thing

 **leggy  
** yeah, that was not pretty

 **hanger tooru  
** kombucha is good for your gut! and it’s vegan!

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** are you fucking kidding me  
its not good for you if u mix it with vodka jesus christ

 **hanger tooru  
** hey i never said i make good decisions

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** tooru u are a human fucking disaster

 **hanger tooru  
** and i stand by that

 **Barnacle  
** I think I’ve changed my mind about going to this party now

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Its okay Kindaichi, we wont make you do anything you dont want to  
And we’ll also look after you if you go too far

 **Barnacle  
** Thank you!!!

 **leggy  
** oh yeah kindaichi

_[Matsukawa Issei changed Kindaichi Yuutarou’s nickname to corn cob]_

**Yahabinch  
** why

 **leggy  
** country girls make do

 **Angel  
** oh god

 **corn cob  
** aren't we technically country boys?

 **Yahabinch  
** jksjkjgbskjgsbk

 **hanger tooru  
** city boys have the toyko tower  
country boys make do

 **Mad Dog  
** I hate this

 **bye felicia  
** awww mad dog you changed ur name back

 **  
Mad Dog  
** the other one was too long

 **bye felicia  
** Haha yeah it only came up on my phone as ‘fire alone can save’

 **leggy  
** fire alone can save whom?

 **bye felicia  
** fire alone can save whosmt?

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** can u guys just go to bed

  


12.15am

 **bye felicia  
** hey guys if u were a vine which one would u be

 **hanger tooru  
** saw u hanging out with caitlyn yesterday

 **bye felicia  
** B-BUT REBECCA ITS NOT WHAT U THINK

 **hanger tooru  
** I WONT HESITATE, BITCH

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** that is very fitting

 **hanger tooru  
** iwa u would probably be  
whoever threw that paper, ur mom’s a ho

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** I think it’s more like  
I dont get any sleep cos of yall

 **hanger tooru  
** SO U DONT GET ANY SLEEP COS OF ME

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** do u know why? Because its currently past midnight and we have practice tomorrow you fucks

 **hanger tooru  
** lol i never sleep

 **fresher than u  
** neither

 **hanger tooru  
** omg kunimi!!! What meme would u be

 **fresher than u  
** so im sitting there  
barbaque sauce on my titties

 **hanger tooru  
** Akjskafngkj why

 **fresher than u  
** guess you dont know me that well captain

 **hanger tooru  
** thats oldly ominous

 **fresher than u  
** anyway  
i know what yahaba would be

 **bye felicia  
** oh my god what

 **fresher than u  
** “dont fuck with me i have the power of both god and anime on my side”

 **Yahabinch  
** FUCK YOU FRESHMAN

 **bye felicia  
** YOURE SO RIGHT HAHAHAHAHA

 **hanger tooru  
** WAIT then what is kyoutani????

 **Angel  
** HOLY SHIT i know  
“on all levels other than physical, I am a wolf”

 **bye felicia  
** Ajsbfanlgknhlshkdknjkm;jjm  
can u imagine kyoutani just walking around being like  
YIP

 **hanger tooru  
** YIP YIP MOTHERFUCKER

 **fresher than u  
** i know what ud be hanamaki

 **bye felicia  
** freshman, if this is rude ill kick ur ass

 **fresher than u  
** ……..  
um, u can’t sit with us

 **hanger tooru  
** I CANT SIT ANYWHERE MEGAN

 **Angel  
** I HAVE  
  
**leggy  
** HEMORRHOIDS

 **bye felicia  
** kunimi id kill u dead if i didnt fucking love that vine  
also welcome to the party mattsun what vine would u be

 **leggy  
** waddup im matsukawa, im 19 and i never fucking learnt how to read

 **hanger tooru  
** SJHKHDLHKENTHLKE  
@watari what are u???

 **Angel  
** Aaaaa!!! You could've made me drop my croissant!!!

 **bye felicia  
** i fucking rate that

 **hanger tooru  
** GUYS BUT WAIT

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** what now

 **hanger tooru  
** WHAT IS KINIDAICHI

 **bye felicia  
** FUCK I HAVW NO IDEA

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** aw fuck  
I cant believe youve done this

 **hanger tooru  
** AJFJGJKH IWA

 **bye felicia  
** THATS TOO GOOD BYE

 **leggy  
** thank u waizumi for my life

 **bye felicia  
** waizumi

 **hanger tooru  
** waizumi

 **fresher than u  
** waizumi

 **leggy  
** hey it could be a cute nickname between the two of us

 **Mad Dog  
** gay

 **bye felicia  
** waizumi are u making moves on my man

 **leggy  
** baby … u know id never let anyone else come between us

 **bye felicia  
** Babe……. I know…

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** why are you guys so weird

 **leggy  
** Shut up waizumi ive literally caught u digging up the football field for dirt for ur ant farm

 **bye felicia  
** with a spoon

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** hey that was a necessary action

 **hanger tooru  
** you believe ghosts are real

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** The 4th gym is legitimately haunted?????

 **hanger tooru  
** Ghosts dont exist!!!!!

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** but aliens do???

 **hanger tooru  
** YES EXACTLY

 **bye felicia  
** what the fuck is happening here on this day

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** this is actually a regular occurance

 **leggy  
** how exactly is the gym haunted im intrigued???

 **corn cob  
** It’s true!! One time someone put their arm around my shoulders when I was in there and I turned around and there was no one there!!

 **leggy  
** holy shit  
surely we exorcise the gym

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Surely

 **hanger tooru  
** why do u guys believe iwa about ghosts but not me about aliens???????

 **leggy  
** because its fun to rile u up lol

 **hanger tooru  
** :(

  


3.40am

 **hanger tooru  
** hey guys is kindaichi called kindaichi cos he’s kin with sawamura daichi

 **bye felicia  
** hey im kin with daichi  
no doubles

 **hanger tooru  
** kindaichi and daichi, fight for who is the real daichi

 **bye felicia  
** surely thats the highlight of our rematch against karasuno

 **hanger tooru  
** fuck yeah  
we’re gonna beat them into the ground  
and then kindaichi will take his place as the true daichi

 **bye felicia  
** Oooooooooh… seijouuu

 **hanger tooru  
** seijou fight!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: theres no party like a seijou party


	8. drunk gay jenga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> corn cob  
> @god am i dead?

8.00pm

 **hanger tooru  
** waddup sluts roll up to mine rn i have drunk gay jenga

 **Angel  
** excuse me you have a _what  
_**  
hanger tooru  
** also u better all be bringing ur own drinks i dont wanna be some kind of supplier

 **fresher than u  
** me and yuutarou have very diluted vodka and lemonade in pump bottles

 **hanger tooru  
** classic, a classic fresher move

 **Yahabinch  
** I have gin and tonics

 **Angel  
** Its a 24 pack lol we’re sharing

  
**Yahabinch  
** go hard or go home

 **Mad Dog  
** bourbon and coke

 **bye felicia  
** daddy’s bringing tequilaaaaaaaaa

 **hanger tooru  
** I have malibu and iwaizumi is drinking straight whiskey from a hip flask like a fucking old man

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** hey, fuck you too  
@Maksukawa what’s your poison

 **leggy  
** respecting women juice

 **Angel  
** aw hell yeah my favourite

 **hanger tooru  
** Wholesome

 **bye felicia  
** he’s lying he has billy mavs that fucker

 **Angel  
** WHAT

 **hanger tooru  
** YOU B R E A T H E R

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** please don’t tell me its a coffin  
Please

 **hanger tooru  
** NO BREATHERS IN MY HOUSE

 **Yahabinch  
** No breathers in my life please

 **leggy  
** they were on special  
it was this or the goon guys

 **hanger tooru  
** just thinking about breather matsukawa is making me want goon

 **bye felicia  
** lmao

 **Angel**  
um but more pressing matter here?? what the Hell is drunk gay jenga  
am i going to die tonight

 **bye felicia  
** maybe

 **Angel  
** THAT'S NOT REASSURING

 **hanger tooru  
** the 3rd years made a drinking game while drunk one time  
Its basically every drinking game rolled into one

 **Yahabinch  
** we’re definitely going to die

 **leggy  
** oh yeah

 **Mad Dog  
** oi captain I can’t find ur front door

 **hanger tooru  
** thats okay!! you have to kinda go round the side

 **Mad Dog  
** oh okay  
oh my god  
is that a fucking swimming pool  
are you rich or something

 **hanger tooru  
** yes that is ours

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** he’s bougie as fuck

 **Mad Dog  
** figures

 **bye felicia  
** o shit i forgot abt ur pool i would’ve worn different underwear

 **Angel  
** please don’t tell me you’re planning on stripping

 **leggy  
** babe just swim naked  
that way the underwear won’t get ruined

 **bye felicia  
** omg matsun… ur so smart :*

 **hanger tooru  
** VETO there’s no way i’m having ur naked ass in my pool makki who knows what you’re carrying!!!!!!

 **bye felicia  
** my dear captain, are you calling me a ho???

 **hanger tooru  
** yes

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** yes

 **leggy  
** yes

 **bye felicia  
** ok so i guess i cant argue with that  
But matsunu too??? e tu brute

 **leggy  
** ur a filthy slut

 **hanger tooru  
** Ajsjkfabdkjgablhrsnhrlknn oh ym god

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** how many of those billy mavs have you already had????

 **leggy  
** none

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** huh

 **leggy  
** I downed most of a bottle of nitro before coming

 **hanger tooru  
** Oh my gooood matusn nooooooooo

 **Yahabinch  
** Isn’t nitro illegal in some countries???

 **hanger tooru  
** matsun i can’t believe this  
You always say such weird shit when u drink nitro whyyy

 **leggy  
** there was half a bottle left over at my place from the last party  
u cant not pre game  
its like how u cant not have foreplay before sex

 **hanger tooru  
** STOP oh my god this is the worst

 **leggy  
** u looove it

 **hanger tooru  
** i hope u regret this in the morning. I hope u die

 **leggy** **  
** i plan on it dw

  **Angel  
** oh worm

 **Yahabinch  
** Same hat

 **Angel  
** same worm

 **Yahabinch  
** Hahahaha… Worm hat

 **Angel  
** Worm Hat!!!!!

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** dont tell me you guys are already drunk too

 **Yahabinch** **  
** Hm… no ?

 **Angel  
** yes. Abosultely

 **bye felicia  
** Abosultely

 **Angel  
** Matsukawa is right pre-gaming is a must  
Me and shig have been drinking and painting our nail 

 **Yahabinch  
** They’re really good they’re in seijou colours  
 **  
hanger tooru  
** oh shit we should all do that!!!!  
when everyone comes in the door ur getting ur nails painted  
u first kyouken!!

 **Mad Dog  
** metal

 **corn cob  
** Hey Oikawa!!! Me and Kunimi have arrived!!!

 **hanger tooru  
** GOOD COME IN its makeover time  
@iwa can u do kindaichi’s

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** ofc come here

 **fresher than u  
** So as it turns out iwaizumi is way better at nail painting than oikawa

 **hanger tooru  
** Excuuuuse me

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** haha eat it  
I used to do my little sister’s nails

 **corn cob  
** They have stripes on them!! So cool!!

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** I want to give everyone different patterns and things

 **bye felicia  
** can i have a statement nail??

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** fuck yeah u can 

 **corn cob  
** will this be alright though??? Will it like interfere with volleyball or whatever?

 **hanger tooru  
** we might be told to remove it but who cares they’re pussies

 **corn cob  
** i guess u dont ever see any of the girls volleyball teams with their nails done so i guess they must be asked to remove it

 **bye felicia  
** jdjfkfdjhdk kindaichi………..

 **corn cob**  
What?????

 **bye felicia  
** volleyball girls……..  
They’re lesbians, harold

 **corn cob  
** WHAT

 **bye felicia  
** THEYRE ALL LESBIANS

 **corn cob  
** Nobody told me!!!!

 **Angel  
** kindaichi at this point u just gotta accept that everyone who plays volleyball is gay

 **Yahabinch  
** Its true

 **hanger tooru  
** can confirm

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** yeah pretty much

 **hanger tooru  
** wait but hold up @makki some lesbians have their nails done

 **bye felicia  
** How do u figure

 **hanger tooru  
** bottoms  
that statement was bottom erasure

 **Angel  
** Adbksjfbsfsfjb

 **hanger tooru  
** as a fellow bottom

 **Angel  
** Captain ple as ejabdkjagbk

 **hanger tooru  
** i stand up for my my comrades in arms, lesbian bottoms, when i say

 **Angel  
** Capta in s t o p

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** no, let him continue

 **hanger tooru  
** all bottoms are valid

 **leggy  
** #yesallbottoms

 **Yahabinch  
** Captain, I think you killed Watari

 **hanger tooru  
** another casualty in our fight for bottom acceptance  
btw makki, shigeru, from now on i’m referring to u as ‘fellow bottom’

 **Yahabinch  
** But I’m not a bottom?

 **bye felicia  
** fellow bottom, you live on a throne of lies

 **Yahabinch  
** I’m not though?  
Anyway, we’ve finally arrived so the gang is all here

 **Angel  
** Whats uuuup losers nice to see u all

 **hanger tooru  
** welcome!!!

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Whats up

 **Mad Dog  
** Yo

 **Yahabinch  
** Oh shit

 **hanger tooru  
** oh shit what?

 **Angel  
** oh shit hang on a moment

 

 **Watari Shinji > Yahaba Shigeru  
**Shig u alright???

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** Holy SHIT SHINJI

 **Watari Shinji  
** I KNOW

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** WHY IS KYOUTANI SO HOT AKJAJKFKFJKL

 **Watari Shinji  
** IVE NEVER SEEN HIM OUT OF SCHOOL OR VOLLEYBALL CLOTHES BEFORE

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** I KNEW HE ALWAYS WORE LAST NIGHTS EYELINER TO PRACTICE BUT DAMN  
AND THOSE PIERCINGS????  
SHIN I THINK IM DYING  
HIS ARMS  
HIS S H O U L D E R S 

 **Watari Shinji  
** i have got to say he does rock the loose tank top and the ripped skinny jeans well

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** I LIKE THE BAND ON HIS SHIRT TOO IM SO FUCKED  
WHAT DO I DO IM ALREADY DRUNK  
THOSE ARMS LOOK SO STRONG I WANT HIM TO H O L D ME  
OR CRUSH ME THAT ALSO WORKS

 **Watari Shinji  
** Just chill???????

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** I hope you understand what you’re asking from me  
I really want to jump head first into Oikawa’s pool rn

 **Watari Shinji  
** do it you’re wearing a white t-shirt it could only make u more sexy  
Not that you’re particularily sexy to begin with but u know 

 **Yahaba Shigeru  
** I really hate you sometimes

 

 **Yahaba Shigeru > Meme Dream Team  
**Anyway I retract my previous statement concerning bottoming

 **Mad Dog  
** what

 **Yahabinch  
** What

 **hanger tooru  
** NVMD ITS GAY JENGA TIME NOW  
Come gather

 **Angel  
** okay captain can u actually explain how this game works now

 **hanger tooru  
** YEAH OKAY SO

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** gay jenga works like regular jenga where u have to take blocks out a jenga tower without knocking it over

 **hanger tooru  
** BUT each block has a challenge written on it which you either follow through with or you drink half your drink and add the other half to the king’s cup

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** If u knock over the jenga tower you have to scull the king’s cup

 **leggy** **  
** Is anyone finding their tag teaming kinda creepy or is that just me

 **hanger tooru  
** I have a copy of the rules for each challenge on my phone! Ill read them out as u pull each block

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** got it? 

 **fresher than u  
** sure

 **hanger tooru  
** okay everyone ive set the jenga tower up come sit around it  
kyouken ur first

 **Mad Dog  
** right  
what do u have to do for ‘buff boys?’ 

 **hanger tooru  
** u gotta pick someone in the group to arm wrestle

 **Mad Dog  
** …… oh, it’s _on_

 

…

 

9.15pm  
**Meme Dream Team**

 **Angel  
** I cant believe kyoutani challenged iwaizumi to arm wrestling so confidently and still lost

 **Yahabinch  
** Miserably, i might add

 **Mad Dog  
** hey fuck off

 **Angel  
** anyway since i drew the dumb block where i cant talk for the whole round im gonna be messaging the chat every time i wanna say something  
so dont u dare ignore me

 **bye felicia  
** hahaha sorry bout it

 **Angel  
** hanamaki u cant talk u have to sit in iwaizumi’s lap for an entire round

 **bye felicia  
** And im having the time of my life, whats ur point

 **leggy  
** all the blocks we’ve all drawn so far have been lame  
also btw what hogwarts house are u all in  
****

**hanger tooru  
** slytherin, bitch

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** hufflepuff 

 **bye felicia  
** ravenclaw

 **Yahabinch  
** Hufflepuff  

 **Mad Dog  
** gryffindor

 **corn cob  
** Gryffindor!

 **fresher than u  
** ravenclaw

 **Angel  
** raven-slyther-puff

 **hanger tooru  
** Watari no offense but what the fuck

 **bye felicia  
** u cant be in more than 1 house!!!!  
conform

 **Angel  
** but i cant pick only the sorting hat can

 **bye felicia  
** c o n f o r m

 **Angel  
** do i have to

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Yes

 **Angel  
** but mooom

 **leggy  
** just pick one

 **Angel  
** fine  
slytherin  
why are u asking us anyway

 **leggy  
** My block is ‘house pride’ so everyone in the same hogwarts house as me has to drink

 **Angel  
** and that is?

 **leggy  
** RAVENCLAW, DIPSHITS

 **bye felicia  
** FUCK U MATTSUN

 **fresher than u  
** Uuuuuugh why

 **leggy  
** okay oiks whats ur block

 **hanger tooru  
** fuck marry kill  
Pretty self explanatory really

 **bye felicia  
** okay oikawa  
fuck marry kill  
kageyama, futakuchi and ushiwaka

 **hanger tooru  
** can i kill all of them

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Nope

 **hanger tooru  
** uhhghugghgh i hate these guys this is the worst

 **bye felicia  
** haha i know

 **hanger tooru  
** okay so obviously cant fuck or marry kageyama bc he’s a baby and also sucks  
so he’s going to have to die

 **fresher than u  
** tragic

 **hanger tooru  
** i would marry futakuchi (ugh) bc he seems like he seems like he could be fun to talk shit with  
****

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** you two would be the most insufferable couple ever  
If that ever happens i might to have move to another country

 **hanger tooru  
** and….do i have to say it

 **leggy  
** oh abso-fucking-lutely

 **bye felicia  
** let it out captain  
your deepest, darkest desire

 **hanger tooru  
** i really dont want to say this

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** If u dont thats half ur drink gone

 **hanger tooru  
** Uguguhetueht fine!!!  
……….. I would fuck ushiwaka

 **bye felicia  
** HELL YEAH

 **leggy** **  
** ur right cap ushiwaka can get it 

 **bye felicia  
** he’s hot as shit

 **Yahabinch  
** I hate to admit it but

 **Mad Dog  
** its true

 **hanger tooru  
** THIS TEAM IS FULL OF TRAITOR 

 **bye felicia  
** u said it first

 **hanger tooru  
** WE’RE SUPPOSED TO WANT TO BEAT USHIWAKA NOT FUCK HIM

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** can’t we though?

 **hanger tooru  
** IWA NOT U TOO

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** chill oikawa we all know you’ve been obsessed with him for years

 **hanger tooru  
** BUT NOT LIKE THAT

 **bye felicia  
** you did say it yourself

 **leggy  
** its okay captain we understand and support u  
ushi can get it

 **bye felicia  
** he has big dick energy

 **hanger tooru  
** jfgjhfjkfhjkfhk

 **leggy  
** hey u wanna know who else has big dick energy

 **Yahabinch  
** I really don’t

 **bye felicia  
** whom

 **leggy  
** sawamura daichi

 **bye felicia  
** CONFIRMED

  
**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** thats a fair statement

 **  
hanger tooru  
** i know karasuno sucks but i would do that man in a heartbeat

 **bye felicia  
** thats fair most of karasuno is hot  
like ugly but hot ugly

 **fresher than u  
** hey if i take the next block will u guys stop talking about this

 **hanger tooru  
** no promises

 **fresher than u  
** i got strip  
do i have to

 **hanger tooru  
** dw!!! u only have to take off one item of clothing

 **fresher than u  
** ok

 **bye felicia  
** kunimi u cant just take off one sock

 **fresher than u  
** watch me, bitch

 **corn cob  
** hey i drew ‘sexy selfie’ what does that mean?

 **hanger tooru  
** u gotta send a sexy picture to someone outside of this room  
u get to decide what ‘sexy’ means tho so dw

 **corn cob  
** Ummmm okay i’ll be right back i guess

 

 

 **Kindaichi Yuutarou > Kageyama Tobio  
** _Attached image_

  **Kageyama Tobio** **  
** hey, kindaichi? no offense, but. what the fuck.

 **Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** HEY IM SO SORRY THEY MADE ME DO IT

 **Kageyama Tobio  
** no i mean its a nice picture but also. they made you? should i call the police?  
do you need help, kindaichi.

 **Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** No its fine dw!!!!! Seijou’s just playing a drinking game!! Please don’t call the police i think oikawa would get super mad

 **Kageyama Tobio**  
oikawa gets mad at everything i do. also, hinata is telling me i should ‘return the favor’, do you know what he means? did you do something special for me?

 **Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** Uhhhhhhhhhh  
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
My challenge was to send a sexy selfie to someone  
I chose you, i guess????

  **Kageyama Tobio  
** so.  
i should send you a sexy selfie?

 **Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** Oh man okay, if you want to  
I might yanno, die, but if u want to that would be, u know, cool?

 **Kageyama Tobio  
** why would you die? are you okay? is this like the memes

 **Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** No its okay no one is killing me this time!!!  
Ur just cute and im. so drunk

 **Kageyama Tobio  
**_Attached Image  
_ you think that i’m cute?

 **Kindaichi Yuutarou  
** OH MAN LOOK AT THAT PICTURE  
ALSO DID I SAY THAT  
MY MUM SAYS I GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW BYE

 **Kageyama Tobio  
** oh, uh? bye?  
i think you’re cute too, by the way.

 

 

 **hanger tooru > Meme Dream Team  
**iwa, u draw a block 2 mins ago and you’ve been staring at it ever since  
what did u get

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** hold on, im considering my options

 **Yahabinch  
** which are?

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** either i scull half my drink (which is straight whiskey btw) and put the block back without any of u fuckers knowing what i got, or….

 **hanger tooru  
** or….?

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** …... I perform a lap dance

 **hanger tooru  
** IWA

 **bye felicia  
** WELL U HAVE TO NOW

 **hanger tooru  
** ive been waiting for someone to get that block the whole game holy shit  

 **leggy  
** iwaizumi hajime if u dont follow through with that lap dance i will personally kill u

 **hanger tooru  
** Iwa, you aren’t going to back down from a challenge, are you?

 **Iwaizumi  
** …… fuck you guys so much

 **Yahabinch  
** Oh my god, he just downed the rest of his flask

 **Angel  
** @god is this really happening  
holy shit he’s picking a song

 **hanger tooru  
** I mean, we all have that one song that brings out the inner stripper in us

 **bye felicia  
** what do u mean, ‘inner’

 **leggy  
** mine’s buttons by the pussycat dolls

 **hanger tooru  
** mine’s feeling myself

 **bye felicia  
** mine’s fergalicious

 **fresher than u  
** dont u mean karkalicious

 **bye felicia  
** kunimi one of these days i will end u and no one will find the body

 **hanger tooru  
** so what song did u choose iwa  
everyone shut up stop talking its playing

 **Angel  
** hold on is that

 **bye felicia  
** Is that [partition](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsVE8zwld28) by beyonce???????

 **hanger tooru  
** MY QUEEN

 **leggy  
** omf iwaizumi just dropped into one of the slowest most sensual body rolls ive ever seen

 **bye felicia  
** oh jesus

 **Yahabinch  
** oikawa did u know he could move like that i didnt know he could move like that

 **hanger tooru  
** i had no idea also i think i might die

 **bye felicia  
** guys he just made intense eye-sex level eye contact with me im definitely going to die

 **Angel  
** he’s making his way over to you

 **bye felicia  
** oh god, is this this the end?

 **Angel  
** im screaming he just grabbed each side of hanamaki’s chair  
ohhhhh my god what is he doing with his ass

 **leggy  
** this is hot

 **bye felicia  
** BABE HELP ME IM DYING

 **Angel  
** Holy FUCK he just moved over to matsukawa and started twerking on him  
have i entered some kind of alternative reality

 **hanger tooru  
** HE JUST SLUT DROPPED TO THE FLOOR WHILE BETWEEN MATSUNS LEGS

 **corn cob  
** @god am i dead?

 **hanger tooru  
** HES ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES C R A W L I NG

 **corn cob  
** NOW HE”S MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME AM I GOING TO DIE

 **fresher than u  
** rest in fucking pieces kindaichi 

 **Angel  
** Is he going to give a lap dance to the entire fucking team??????

 **Yahabinch  
** Oh god i hope so

 **Mad Dog  
** worm

 **Angel  
** same worm  
btw i dont think kindaichi is ever going to recover from iwaizumi straddling his lap

 **fresher than u  
** I think he did actually pass out at some point

 **Angel  
** Probably when iwaizumi winked at him ajsbakja

 **leggy  
** I cant handle how hot iwaizumi dragging his hands up his body is

 **bye felicia  
** Oh my god kyouken looks like he’s making his way over to u

 **hanger tooru  
** kyou’s been sitting stock still this whole time

 **bye felicia  
** IWAIZUMIS JUST WALKING AROUND HIM TRAILING HIS HANDS ACROSS KYOU’S CHEST

 **hanger tooru  
** OH MY GOD DID HE JUST GRAB HIM BY HIS SHIRT COLLAR AND SNARL

 **Angel  
** kyoutani was too shell shocked to even snarl back oh my g o d

 **Yahabinch  
** Hnnnngfnngn

 **Angel  
** oh BOY its my turn!!!!

 **Yahabinch  
** STOP LAUGHING WATARI

 **Angel  
** IM SORRY I COULDNT HELP IT IM NERVOUS  
U TRY HAVING UR VICE CAPTAIN SHAKE HIS HIPS ON U LIKE SHAKIRA

 **leggy  
** he’s grabbed his crotch and licked his thumb i think im having an aneurysm

 **Mad Dog  
** I think ive already had one

 **hanger tooru  
** H o L D THE FUCK UP  
DID HE JUST SLIDE INTO THE SPLITS  
LIKE FUCKJNGNI KAMERON MICHAELS

 **fresher than u  
** thats it. he’s too powerful

 **corn cob  
** OH THANK GOD ITS OVER

 **bye felicia  
** I am so, so fucking glad i was not sober for that

 **hanger tooru  
** think i can unleash him as a secret weapon on shiratorizawa

 **Mad Dog  
** I thought _I_ was the secret weapon

 **Yahabinch  
** Can you do what he just did though

 **Mad Dog  
** Sure I can

 **Yahabinch  
** Prove it then

 **Mad Dog  
** Just watch me, asshole

 **Angel  
** okaaaaay that’s enough from you two now  
can we get back to the game i think that will be burned into my brain for eternity

 **hanger tooru  
** HOLD ON ONE SECOND  
WHY DIDNT _I_ GET A LAP DANCE

 **Iwaizumi Hajime  
** Because ur a loser

 **hanger tooru  
** LAME IWA, LAME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE THANKS TO ED (his ao3 is lightningb0nes) FOR WRITING KAGS PARTS!! ed and I actually created dgj together a few years back, so if anyone wants a full set of the rules just flick us a comment.  
> aaalso a big shout out to the seijou discord chat! i dont know u guys but im love u
> 
> btw does anyone want to know what the pictures kags and kindaichi sent to each other looked like


	9. Tell My Dog I Love H-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yahaba Shigeru  
> I STARTED TALKING ABOUT MY SEXUAL HISTORY TO PROVE THAT I WASNT A FUCIGN PILLOW PRINCESS

**Meme Dream Team**

**hanger tooru** **  
** I have to say the jenga tower is looking pretty wobbly by now   
who’s turn is it anyway

**Yahabinch** **  
** Mine 

**Angel  
** Okay, so what did you get?

**Yahabinch  
** Um  
7 minutes in heaven?

**leggy  
** Jackpoooot

**hanger tooru  
** u know we get to choose who goes in there with u right

**Yahabinch  
** Are you fucking kidding me

**hanger tooru  
** hmmm…. I wonder who it should be….

**Angel  
** hey captain, yahaba and kyoutani do need to work on their *cough* teamwork

**Yahabinch  
** Please don’t do this

**hanger tooru  
** my dearest libero that sounds like an excellent idea

**Yahabinch  
** Pleeease I am literally begging you

**hanger tooru  
** do we have a group consensus?

**Mad Dog  
** wait what the fuck no

**Angel  
** aye   


**fresher than u  
** aye 

**bye felicia  
** aye 

**leggy  
** aye 

**corn cob  
** Aye   


**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** aye 

**Yahabinch  
** Iwaizumi too???

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** at this point im drunk enough to agree to anything 

**hanger tooru  
** thats valid

**bye felicia  
** mood 

**Yahabinch  
** Okay hold on then give me a second 

**hanger tooru  
** wait yahaba dont

**bye felicia  
** too late

**leggy  
** did he just down his g and t in like 5 seconds  
oh shit he opened another one

**Angel  
** oh no you dont bitch put that can down i don’t want to carry you home tonight   
or yanno, to hospital

**hanger tooru  
** oh wait watari looks like ur good kyouken just grabbed the drink out of yahaba’s hand and downed it himself 

**fresher than u  
** Adjfsljbsfk yahaba pls dont kill him  
oh actually yes pls do that would be funny 

**Yahabinch  
** I can handle my drink you dick

**kyouken  
** sure, whatever

**Yahabinch  
** Fuck you, you owe me a gin and tonic 

**kyouken  
** whatever you want, princess 

**hanger tooru  
** hey guys if youre gonna kill each other can you do it in the bathroom and not in here i dont want my parents stuff to be broken 

**kyouken  
** fine. 

**Yahabinch  
** Fine!!! 

**hanger tooru  
** Ill show you the way, follow me

**bye felicia  
** hey tooru i just wanted to let u know that ur a fuckigng genius

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** A total dumbass but still

**leggy  
** I cant believe that actually worked 

**hanger tooru  
** I DID IT I LOCKED THEM IN TOGETHER

**leggy  
** captain you are a brave, brave man

**hanger tooru  
** i would do anything for my team

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** thats great and all but if either of them end up in hospital by the end of the night because they killed each other thats we’re fucked for spring high

**hanger tooru  
** iwa  
shhh   
this is drunken fun time

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** im just trying to be rsponsible

**hanger tooru  
** shhhhhhhhhh

**leggy  
** I love how ur still trying to be ‘rsponsible’ even though u probably cant walk straight 

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** I hope u lock ur door at night matsukawa 

**Angel  
** hey captain do you know what you sholud do

**hanger tooru  
** what, my favourite libero?

**Angel  
** turn the wifi off so yahaba wont spend all 7 minutes messaging us to let him out  
he doesnt have data

**hanger tooru  
** omg watacchi,,, there are TWO geniuseses on this team

**Iwaizumi Hajime  
** there’s two wataris?

**hanger tooru  
** SHUTTUP IWA NO ONE ASKED U

**hanger tooru  
** but okayyyy wifi is going off now lets do this!!!!

 

10.20pm

**Watari Shinji > Yahaba Shigeru   
** wats up shig its me ya boy

**Watari Shinji  
** ur 7 minutes are up, even though they were longer than 7 minutes lol we kinda lost track 

**Watari Shinji  
** hows kyoutaaaaaani did u guys kiss and make up lol

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** WATARI HOLY FUCK

**Watari Shinji  
** what???? whats happening?????

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** WATARI HOLY FUCK KYOUTANI IS GONE

**Watari Shinji  
** what??? what do u mean he’s gone

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** I MEAN HE TRIED TO CLIMB OUT THE WINDOW, FELL OUT OF IT INSTEAD AND RAN INTO THE NIGHT

**Watari Shinji  
** WHAT THE FUCK YAHABA

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** WE GOTTA FIND HIM 

**Watari Shinji  
** omg okay ive told the 3rd years they’re gonna scan the area for him calm down!!!!

**Watari Shinji  
** do u have any ideas of where he might be?

**Yahaba Shigeru  
** um

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Probably far far away from here

**Watari Shinji** **  
** shig what the hell happened 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Uhhhhhh do you want the short version or the long version

**Watari Shinji** **  
** the long version please n thank 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Okay okay so

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** After you guys locked us in here and turned the wifi off (fuck you by the way I’m still mad) I obviously resorted to the next best thing which was banging on the door and yelling really loud 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And Kyoutani was obviously pretty drunk because he just kind of sat on the floor against the bathtub and looked like he was about to fall asleep

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And he said in his super Kyoutani way “could you shut up for a second, princess”

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And I was like why are you calling me princess????? What’s the deal???? Because he had been doing that a LOT recently if you haven’t noticed

**Watari Shinji** **  
** yeah i have lol

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Yeah so he just kind of shrugged and was like well people are calling Oikawa the grand king and you’re obviously next in line

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** So

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Princess 

**Watari Shinji** **  
** thats cute af

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** I kind of stopped feeling super mad at that point so i went and sat down on the floor next to him and he pulled a couple of bourbon and cokes out of fucking nowhere and offered one to me

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** I took it and he took a swig of his one and then out of fuxking nowhere was like

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Also its cos you’re probably some kind of pillow princess

**Watari Shinji** **  
** AJSNIJNIGNGJKNG HE ACTUSLLLY SAID THAT???

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** I. KNOW. RIGHR

**Watari Shinji** **  
** poor boy mustve been so fukcing drunk

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Ohhhh yeah

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** But so was/am I so I was just like no I’m not??? Why would you think that????

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And then he just did this suuuper sexy kind of chuckle thing and was like you give off this bossy, pampered kind of vibe 

**Watari Shinji** **  
** “vibe”

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** shut the fuck up shinji

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** But yeah normally I would’ve been super mad at that but he was being so stupidly sexy at the time

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Which ususallly makes me even MORE mad but shinjiiiiii our shoulders and legs were touching and he was looking at me out of the corner of his eye and i was DYING SCOOB DYING

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And then do you know what this dumb bithc did

**Watari Shinji** **  
** what?

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** I STARTED TALKING ABOUT MY SEXUAL HISTORY TO PROVE THAT I WASNT A FUCIGN PILLOW PRINCESS

**Watari Shinji** **  
** You DIDNT

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** I DID IT WAS TERRIBLE I TOLD HIM ABOUT THAT ONE TIME WITH SHIRABU AND ALL ABOUT THAT SMARTASS ART STUDENT TWINK

**Watari Shinji** **  
** the one with the cute hair that u kept sneaking off with to make out behind the rubbish skips?

**Watari Shinji** **  
** hey shigeru have u ever thought that the reason why you think u arent a bottom is because you’vle only had vaguely sexual encounters with people who are also bottoms 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** that actually makes a lot of sense

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** but yeah i said that ive done like. Sexual things with people but have never actually had sex you know?????

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** and he was like i guess you dont know if you’re a pillow princess or not then

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** So i was like well have YOU ever had sex you dickhead

**Watari Shinji** **  
** shigeru……... 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** AND HE LOOKED AT ME AND LOOKED AWAY AND SAID 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** NO  
  
**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** IM WAITING FOR IT TO BE WITH SOMEONE MEANINGFUL

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** BOI I DIE

**Watari Shinji** **  
** boy’s a virgin i totally called it

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** if u want to be technical about it we’re all virgins here

**Watari Shinji** **  
** virginity is a social construct made up to put a price on women and turn them into commodities 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** normally i would love to deconstruct social concepts with u but i’m kind of telling a mortifying story here

**Watari Shinji** **  
** oh my bad go ahead

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** So the moment after he said it i must’ve had some look on my face because he immediately started freaking out and like “not that i’m shaming your experiences or anything! You can do whatever you want!” and all that 

**Watari Shinji** **  
** Aw

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And i was laughing because seeing him flail around and try not to offend me was hilarious 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And I think it was the alcohol? Because I was leaning into him and laughing on his shoulder all of a sudden

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And then he was laughing too and it was s o cute

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** and then we just kind of stopped and i was like um sorry that was probably a lot of info you never wanted to know about my sex life WHILE I WAS STILL TOTALLY DRAPED ALL OVER HIM

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And he was like no its fine

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** and i was like is it really

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** and he said “yeah. I do kind of want to punch shirabu in the face though”

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And i was like oh my too all the time i hate that guy

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** AnD THEN THIS DUMB BITCH AKA ME SAID

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** I GUESS I HAVE A T Y P E

**Watari Shiji** **  
** OH YMG DOFUCKGN GOD

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** AND THEN HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** AND THEN 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** WE WERE 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** K I S S I NG

**Watari Shinji** **  
** IM SORRY DID I READ THAT RIGHT???????

**Watari Shinji** **  
** WHO KISSED WHO???????

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** I DONT EVEN KNOW IT JUST HAPP P E EN D

**Watari Shinji** **  
** I CANR BELEIEVE THIS

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** OHMYYOF G IT WAS SO GOOD IWAS ACTUALLY DYING

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** but if i’m being honest it was kind of a shitty kiss with lots of teeth and tongue and the world spun when i closed my eyes 

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** BUT I WAS KISSING KYOUTANI AND HE WAS KISSING ME AND THINGS GOT A BIT HEATED AND HE PUSHED ME DOWN TO THE FLOOR

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And then???? He stopped???????

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** And he got up and tried to climb out the window?????? And he fell through down into the shrubbery??????????

**Watari Shinji** **  
** this is so fuking wild what the literal hell

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** So yeah now I’m confused and mad at him   
**  
Watari Shinji** **  
** no kidding

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** why did he run off like that???? He’s such a dick

**Watari Shinji** **  
** Mmm hmmm

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Ugh I hate him so much

**Watari Shinj** **  
** aaaand we’re back to that, huh

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** Why can’t you be the sympathetic friend for once

**Watari Shinji** **  
** you know i only listen to you for the #drama

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** >:(

**Yahaba Shigeru** **  
** anyway, what happened while I was in the bathroom?

**Watari Shinji** **  
** Oh man what didn’t happen?  


**Watari Shinji  
** everyone had to feed oikawa grapes

**Watari Shinji**  
matsukawa serenading hanamaki on the ukelele by singing "i love you bitch... I ain't never gonna stop loving you... bitch"

**Watari Shinji**  
kunimi told us that the first time he ever got drunk was at a kids birthday party that he was supposed to be supervising 

**Watari Shinji**  
I did an excellent rendition of nicki minaj's verse in monster 

**Watari Shinji**  
kindaichi had to say 'believe it' every time he spoke to someone

**Watari Shinji**  
iwaizumi and oikawa got into a heated debate about what was more likely to be real, ghosts or aliens

**Watari Shinji**  
oh and everyone did a body shot off iwaizumi's pecs at some point

**Yahaba**   **Shigeru  
** god fucking dammit

 

**> Meme Dream Team**

**bye felicia** **  
** HEY GUYS I FOUND HIM

**hanger tooru** **  
** THANK GOD WHERE IS HE

**bye felicia**

oh man i actually think you all need to get here right away   
he’s on the roof

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** @Mad Dog why the hell are you on the roof

**Mad Dog** **  
** … can’t get down

**hanger tooru** **  
** are you actually serious   
how did u get up there in the first place???

**Mad Dog** **  
** tbh… not sure

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** well just hold on, we’ll get you down   
Somehow

**fresher than u** **  
** jump into the pool

**Mad Dog** **  
** ok

**hanger tooru** **  
** NO kyouken DO NOT do that

**bye felicia** **  
** DO IT DO IT DO IT

**hanger tooru** **  
** Oh my god pls dont do it my parents will kill me

**fresher than u** **  
** do it do it do it   
**Mad Dog** **  
** Im gonna do it

**hanger tooru** **  
** NO MAD DOg YOURE SO YOUNG

**Mad Dog** **  
** tell my dog… i love h

**leggy** **  
** i cant believe he actually jumped holy fuck

**hanger tooru** **  
** IS HE ALIVE

**leggy** **  
** hold on he just resurfaced and gave us a thumbs up   
oh wait lm a o

**Angel** **  
** did yahaba dive to save kyoutani and manage to land on top of him oh my god 

**hanger tooru** **  
** ARE THEY ALIVE   
IWAAAAAA HELP THEM

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** why am i always on damage control god fucking dammit 

  
  


11.27pm   
**Iwaizumi Hajime > Meme Dream Team** **  
** well that was a debacle and a half    
Is everyone okay

**bye felicia** **  
** physically, yes

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** what do u mean

**bye felicia** **  
** I think mentally none of us have recovered from watching iwaizumi rip off his shirt and dive in to save yahaba and kyoutani like some kind of sexy lifeguard

**Mad Dog** **  
** I didnt need saving i was fine

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** you were very drunk, had hit your head, and might i mention JUMPED OFF A ROOF

**Mad Dog** **  
** I was still fine

**Yahabinch** **  
** I’m not fine, I’m wet and freezing    
that’s the last time i’m saving you from drowning

**hanger tooru** **  
** If you’re cold I can find some blankets! 

**corn cob** **  
** I can make everyone hot chocolate!

**Yahabinch** **  
** Kindaichi, captain, are you angels

**Angel** **  
** hey here’s an idea now that the party vibe was killed by kyoutani jumping off a roof into a pool (thanks man) how about we grab every blanket and pillow in sight and make a fort

**hanger tooru** **  
** THATS AN EXCELLENT IDEA

**bye felicia** **  
** fuck yes i’m keen

**fresher than u** **  
** no thanks

**Angel** **  
** @kunimi you’ll get to sleep

**fresher than u** **  
** okay i’m in

**hanger tooru** **  
** okay kyoutani, yahaba, iwa, here are your blankets they’re woolen so you can warm up quick

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** good thinking

**hanger tooru** **  
** you should probably also huddle up too yahaba’s shivering quite a lot over here

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** okay    
c’mere you two

**Yahabinch** **  
** nope, not happening

**Mad Dog** **  
** no way

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** yes this is happening now shut up and cuddle

**Leggy** **  
** this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen

**bye felica** **  
** Iwaizumi has his arms around his two pouting trouble children like a mama bear I think I might get toothache

**hanger tooru** **  
** hold on, i HAVE to get a picture of this

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** smile for the camera, you too

**Mad Dog** **  
** Ngngnnhn

**Yahabinch** **  
** Fuck you, dad

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** yeah, yeah   
hey, @ the rest of you   
get in here, it’s dad time

**leggy** **  
** Fuck yes

**bye felicia** **  
** ITS REAL TIME DAD HOURS NOW

**hanger tooru** **  
** IM COMING I WANT IN ON THE CUDDLE PILE

**Angel** **  
** incoming!!!

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** @kunimi, @kindaichi, you get in here too

**hanger tooru** **  
** there’s a space for you over here!!

**corn cob** **  
** Aaaa okay!!!

**fresher than u** **  
** ugh fine   
ew you’re all so warm and sweaty and smell like alcohol

**hanger tooru** **  
** no complaining this is team bonding

**Yahabinch** **  
** @hanamaki your foot is in my face

**bye felicia** **  
** and your point is?

**leggy** **  
** mmm get that foot in MY face

**bye felicia** **  
** at least someone around here appreciates me

**Mad Dog** **  
** who the hell is spooning me

**Angel** **  
** me, lol   
hey, can kindaichi breathe

**hanger tooru** **  
** he’ll be fine don’t worry   
oh, kunimi’s already passed out

**leggy** **  
** what an icon

**bye felicia** **  
** we stan a sleepy legend 

**Yahabinch** **  
** hey guys i’m also gonna pass the fuck out but i just wanna say it   
i really love this team

**hanger tooru** **  
** AWWWW YAHABA ME TOO

**bye felicia** **  
** bithc... me too

**leggy** **  
** big mood

**Angel** **  
** I love you guys!!!!

**Mad Dog** **  
** could be worse

**corn cob** **  
** This is the best team ever <3

**hanger tooru** **  
** hey and you know what the best team ever would do?

**Angel** **  
** … what

**hanger tooru** **  
** watch the x-files with me

**Iwaizumi Hajime** **  
** NO, OIKAWA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so that was a bit of a monster to write lmaooooo
> 
> fun fact time: pretty much everything that has been done in the last few chapters has been done by ed and I. this includes accidentally telling your crush about your sexual history, jumping off a roof into a pool, and making out with someone just because you were kinda leaning on them
> 
> but!!! important stuff here kids if you're ever in a situation in a party that requires consent, like making out/sex things, make sure your partner isn't too drunk! and if you see your friend doing something like that, see if you can take them aside and just check up on them and see if they actually know what they're doing. look after your friends!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Seijou canonically had a whole team meeting for over an hour trying to give Kindaichi a nickname, so now they're trying to find one that fits
> 
> Format and beta credit to my very own leggy and the light of my life, Evan. Thanks kid I owe you one

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [ain't nobody fresher [than my motherfucking clique]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10426005) by [edlington (stealingtime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stealingtime/pseuds/edlington)




End file.
